Manni

“So, how did you like the anniversary, sweetie?” She is touching my arm. She does that when she talks to me. I like it. It makes me feel good. Mummy says it´s called caressing. She explained the word to me. It´s hard to say, the word, but Mummy helped me. Sarah is caressing my arm, then. I like Sarah. Sarah likes me, too. I know that she likes me, because she says she likes me. Manni, I like you, she says.  I believe her. She talks to me a lot and I like it. She never makes me feel stupid. She always explains words that I don´t understand. I like that she helps me understand her. Because I like talking to her. I like her kids, too. They play with me. They play hide and seek with me. I can hide. But I can´t seek. I can´t find them. Today, I couldn´t find them. Buddy said, it doesn´t matter that I can´t find them. His dad says I am a retard, but Buddy says the house is too big. I like Buddy. He is Sarah´s son. I like Sarah´s son. Buddy plays with me.  But I don´t like Marc. He says I am a retard. I asked Mummy what retard means, but she asked who said that to you? And I told her it was Marc and she left. She didn´t explain what retard means. Now I don´t know what retard means, but Marc said it to me and Mummy is angry so it must be a bad word. There are a lot of bad words that you shouldn´t say. I won´t say them, because then Mummy gets angry and I don´t want Mummy to get angry. I asked Sarah what retard means and she said it means that someone is stupid. But I am not stupid. I know what retard means. “Sweetie?” Sarah is touching my arm again. I forgot to answer to her question, but she knows that I want to answer. “I like Buddy”, I say and she smiles. Sarah´s face looks beautiful when she smiles. I like her smile. Mummy said that all things in the world can be beautiful if you think they are. I think that Sarah´s smile is beautiful. Her eyes smile, too. I said I like your smiling eyes and Marc laughs at me. I know that he isn´t laughing with me, because I´m not laughing. But Sarah understands. Sarah always understands. Mummy says that Sarah likes me and I know she likes me. Marc doesn´t like me. He pads me on the head and tells me I´m a retard. But now I know what the word means and I tell him I´m not a retard and I´m not stupid, but he won´t listen. Sarah tells him to leave me alone. I don´t like it when they fight. They always fight when they come to visit. Mummy says they are fighting because Marc says I´m a retard, but I don´t want Sarah to fight, because then her face doesn´t look beautiful anymore and I don´t like her face then. They fight and I get scared, because they are loud and I don´t like loud noises. They make me feel small. I start humming and when I move on the sofa there is a sound and that sound and my humming make me not hear them. I don´t want to hear them. When the fight, they use big words and I don´t understand them and then I don´t understand what they say or what they are talking about and I don´t like them. I look up and Buddy is there and he´s smiling. He has a beautiful face when he smiles, too. Mummy says that is because Sarah is his mum and he gave him her smile. I don´t understand that because Sarah has her smile still, but I know that Mummy wouldn´t lie to me so I believe her. “We can play hide and seek, if you want”, Buddy says and I get up and follow him. Sarah and Marc are yelling. I don´t want to hear them, so I hide in the closet in Mummy´s bedroom and I can´t hear them there. But its dark and I don´t like the darkness. “Silly, you have to stay hidden!” Buddy says, but its dark there and I don´t like the darkness. “Yeah, me neither”, Buddy says. I like Buddy. He plays with me. He plays hide and seek. I can hide. But I can´t seek. Buddy says it´s because the house is too big.

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