I just feel it

Things have changed over the past couple of months.

First of, I had the chance to recharge over the summer break. My neighbor made it unnecessarily hard for me in the beginning, but after calling the police on him twice, he finally seemed to have learned his lesson. I felt the adrenaline rush from calling the police on him for days! I normally wouldn´t, but seeing that he wouldn´t talk to me, kept ignoring our landlord´s letters and simply went about his business the way he used to before, I simply had no other choice.

The rest of the summer break was actually great. I slept, I did Yoga, I read – oh, how I missed reading! It was only six weeks, but I went through more than 20 books, most of which I enjoyed a great deal (did you know that David Duchovny wrote a book?? It was one of the ones I enjoyed, just fyi). I did some traveling, was at my sister´s a lot, but I like to keep to myself and found it relaxing to just be at home and sunbath on the balcony.

I also met someone, which in itself was amazing, even though he is going at a different pace than I am (he´s already told me he loves me and I just got used to the idea of actually having a man in my life) and I´m not sure at all I want to be with him. He´s a great guy, he has everything I like in a man (except for being taller than me, though), but there are already things that bother me. I´ve been thinking non-stop about what to do (he´s on vacation in France) and there is this thought spinning in my head that I can´t seem to shake.

My mother (love you, mum) always tried to fix her men, but neither the gen pool nor my Papa actually changed much. And though she tried for a while, she fled at the first sign of life-changing trouble. I never learned how to go through the rough patches of life with someone, because I never saw her do it. She keeps telling me to do what I want (granted, that´s a good advice), but she also tells me to drop everyone who´s not willing to follow me on my path. I think that she has never learned how great it is to stray from your path. The road not taken, if you get my drift.

So I thought that maybe I´m too much like my mum when I decide to run from the trouble I see coming down the road. Maybe I should try harder and will be rewarded in the end. And here I am thinking that I don´t really know if I´m trying because I want to prove mum wrong or if I´m trying because he´s worth it.

I feel things are going to be different. Not just because of all the thinking I´ve been doing lately, but because my life is finally picking up speed. I´ve waited long enough.

My thoughts aren´t as organized as they should be seeing that I´m posting this and sending it out into the world. I should make more of an effort here.  Forgive me. I´ve been working on a new story and my mind is trying to do this post and at the same time trying to figure out how Ben and Sarah´s story will go on.

The thing I know is that things will change. I just feel it.


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