With my job consuming more hours of the day than the day actually offers, I try to enjoy the little free time I have. In the beginning, I had to force myself to relax and enjoy my leisure time because I thought to myself that if I actually had free time on my hands I should damn well enjoy it, too. It wasn´t easy. My thoughts never stop whirling, there is so much that I need to remember, that I need to do, that I need to think of and so on and so forth. It´s the reason why I go to bed at nine, because it takes my thoughts hours to calm down.
After having mastered calming down quickly, I actually started to enjoy things. I started to take more and more time out of my busy schedule to simply read or listen to music. It fells great. I have more energy for work, feel more balanced, have less trouble falling asleep at night – and taking the time is now a regular thing for me. Whenever I feel that work is too much of a burden for me, I take some time to calm down and it helps.
Realizing how much it helped me, I started to appreciate things that I had never noticed before such as the comforting sound of bubbling water when I cook my pasta, the soft rustling of book pages when I turn them, the things I hear people talk about when they walk past the bench I sit on in the park. And I´ve started to appreciate conversations even more than I did before. I took the time to listen to people, to actually hear what they are saying and to understand everything they aren´t saying.
I thought I was wrapped up in my work and after taking some time for myself every once in a while, I realized that I wasn´t just wrapped up in my work – I was extremely selfish, focused only on what I wanted to do, what I needed to do, on the things that were on my list. I didn´t bother to pay attention to the simply things, the small joys of life or any person around me.
But I´m not the only one – people around me are as selfish as I am. No one takes the time to listen to people anymore. I´ve noticed people interrupting me, finishing my sentences as to cut the conversation short that way, nodding when listening, but at the same time I can see they are thinking about the things that they need to do, about the things that they want to do, about their lists. There is no time anymore to appreciate things. And I wonder if people know that they are having a life without actually living it.